Party Done, Party Over

2018 Self Reflection

As I sip on my beverage scrolling through social media and catching bizarre headlines pop on my screen I ask the question, "What type of year did they have?" Because looking at foolishness and it's already the first day of the new year bothers me. I constantly say to myself, 'This wouldn't happen if Obama was still in office'. Then as I ask this question to myself, "What type of year did I have?" Now I'm looking back and well it doesn't compare to the "celebrities" I watch from afar, but mine was something else, for a lack of better words.

I started off the year pretty calm and chill, not really expecting anything but a peaceful year. Then the storm within my own world formed and took me for a ride. I decided to take on a second job during the 2017-2018 holiday season. Well, with missed days and me not giving a fuck I was fired. By the way, Amazon is modern day slavery. I would rather go broke than deal with that mess again.

Moving into the second and third months of the first quarter i fell from being once financially stable to asking family members for money. Thankfully my birthday is in February so it was nothing but a present, but still...it sucks. I was raised by strong women; if I made asking for money a thing, especially from a man, I would be considered weak. I then transitioned into the second quarter even more broke and now going through an identity crisis. Caught myself trying to prove something going out knowing good and well I didn’t have the money. Charged up my credit cards and dug myself a deeper hole into depression.

By the month of May I had full blown depression. I was broke, working in a dead end job (I still do), and still didn’t have my degree. I still don’t have my degree, but that is another story for another time. In the summer I took on an internship that was a joke. I told y’all I was having an identity crisis. I was scrambling to find purpose so my parents would get off my back. By month two of this internship I had a come to Jesus moment. I looked around the room and I knew I didn’t belong.

In the midst of working for a job I knew I didn’t want anymore I got depressed once again. But I had a vision and goal to accomplish. By September I started my blog, then by October I was asked to write for an entertainment blog. I legit ended 2018 amazingly well. A couple of old habits crept up and got me while I was down, but all I can do is learn and not repeat them in the future. 2018 was a step into a bigger dream that God has set out for me.